I Feel Pretty

I got my hair cut for the first time in many looong months. Looking at the new low maintenance style I chose, I wasn’t sure I liked how it looked. It was an improvement over my Pandemic style but not at all like my pre-pandemic style. This uncertainty is not unusual for me after getting a new haircut. You see, I don’t like to change my appearance very often and when I do, it always takes time for me to decide if the new style is a keeper. Still dithering by the way or as my DMIL would say, “I’m giving it some thought.”

 

Last night, I was reading an article by Martha Beck called The Self-Esteem Repair Kit on Oprah.com. Read more: https://www.oprah.com/spirit/boost-your-self-esteem-martha-beck-on-body-image/all#ixzz71lr0hMqa

 

She said, “Of course you can feel wretched about wrinkles, jowls, thinning hair—all the slings and arrows of time and mortality. You can try to fight back—giving new meaning to the words in vain. Or you can rise—serenely, even happily—above it all.” Sounded like a helpful insight..

 

The article said, We “attack all the issues that keep us from matching our cultural concept of beauty. If you're in the midst of fighting this war, I congratulate you on your courage and optimism and regretfully remind you that you're losing.” 

 

“The problem with "fixing" our imperfect, damaged, or aging bodies is that we can't.”

Ever tried the latest hyped way to fix your flawed body? Look for signs of improvement? 

Yup, fought the good fight many times but aging out paced me every time. Martha says “That’s when we drop into panic and despair feeling hopeless and unacceptable.” 

 

“Think of your next self-esteem wallop as a chance to choose one of two of two mental states. Most people plunge into what I call the SEWER, for Self-Esteem Wallop's Egregious Ramifications.”

Dropping into the SEWER goes like this: 

1. Experience self-esteem wallop.
2. Ramp up frantic war against "imperfection."
3. Fail by inches while clinging to shreds of former identity, trying to look like the latest batch of 20-somethings who suffer the results of botched plastic surgery, and become the butt of cruel jokes.
4. In the end, you Die anyway.

 

She says “If you enjoy panic and despair, you'll love SEWER consciousness. If not, you can try the other option. I call it SEEING, which stands for Self-Esteem Exit into Numinous Gorgeousness…..As the name suggests, SEEING involves dropping even the concept of self-esteem and embracing a wordless, purely sensory experience of life.” Here's how it works:

SEEING

1. Experience self-esteem wallop.
2. Use one of the Methods that follow to switch your way of seeing from your left-brain hemisphere to the right brain, where you can see beauty more clearly.
3. Allow yourself to absorb the wallop and ensuing emotions without resistance. Notice that while positioned in right-brain awareness, the wallop is unreal, and your beauty is real. This may take time, but hey, that's all you've got.
4. Return continually to this place of acceptance, right through the moment of your own demise.

I chose to combine two of the methods she recommended to switch from left-brain hemisphere to the right brain.”

 

“Method 2: Open Your Focus

An animal relaxes in the sun with its eyes in soft blurry focus until something threatening or appetizing appears”….”Then its eyes become sharply focused. When our eyes are in sharp focus, our stress response increases. When we soften our focus, we relax.” Softening your eyes releases the sequential processing of the left brain and turns on the holistic perceptions of the right. Softening your focus shifts your Left Brain into neutral and turns on the perceptions of the Right Brain.” …. 

 

Try softening your focus now. After reading this paragraph, look up at whatever's in front of you. Then, without moving your eyes, allow your attention to broaden, taking in everything you see. Slowly expand your attention to include everything you can hear, smell, feel, and taste. As your focus opens, you'll stop thinking in words, become more present, and see beauty everywhere. 

 

I liked this method because even after cataract surgery, my eyes easily become blurry when I look in the distance.

“Method 3: Feel the Rhythm of Life

The right brain learns kinesthetically, through the movement of the body. Certain ways of moving activate the SEEING of the right hemisphere.” Dance or engage in another activity that requires repetitive, rhythmic action—swimming, drumming, skiing…” Since this was suggested as a daily exercise, I thought I could easily include Soft Focusing on my daily walks. 

 

So when I go walking, I’m going to soften my focus when I look at the beauty surrounding me. When I feel full of God’s beautiful earth, I’m going to switch my awareness “in which mortality is not calamitous and in which you are obviously, empirically, eternally, breathtakingly beautiful.” My new hairstyle is gorgeous.